If you don’t love yourself you will never be able to love anybody else. If you are not kind to yourself you cannot be kind to anybody else. Your so-called saints who are so very hard on themselves are just pretending that they are kind to others. It is not possible. Psychologically it is impossible. If you cannot be kind to yourself, how can you be kind to others?
Whatsoever you are with yourself you are with others. Let that be a basic dictum. If you hate yourself you will hate others — and you have been taught to hate yourself. Nobody has ever said to you, “Love yourself!” The very idea seems absurd: loving oneself? The very idea makes no sense — loving oneself? We always think that to love one needs somebody else. But if you don’t learn it with yourself you will not be able to practise it with others.
You have been told, constantly conditioned, that you are not of any worth. From every direction you have been shown, you have been told, that you are unworthy, that you are not what you should be, that you are not accepted as you are. There are many shoulds hanging over your head, and those shoulds are almost impossible to fulfill. And when you cannot fulfill them, when you fall short, you feel condemned. A deep hatred arises in you about yourself.
How can you love others? So full of hatred, where are you going to find love? So you only pretend, you only show that you are in love. Deep down you are not in love with anybody; you cannot be. Those pretensions are good for a few days, then the color disappears, then reality asserts itself
Whatsoever you are with yourself you are with others. Let that be a basic dictum. If you hate yourself you will hate others — and you have been taught to hate yourself. Nobody has ever said to you, “Love yourself!” The very idea seems absurd: loving oneself? The very idea makes no sense — loving oneself? We always think that to love one needs somebody else. But if you don’t learn it with yourself you will not be able to practise it with others.
You have been told, constantly conditioned, that you are not of any worth. From every direction you have been shown, you have been told, that you are unworthy, that you are not what you should be, that you are not accepted as you are. There are many shoulds hanging over your head, and those shoulds are almost impossible to fulfill. And when you cannot fulfill them, when you fall short, you feel condemned. A deep hatred arises in you about yourself.
How can you love others? So full of hatred, where are you going to find love? So you only pretend, you only show that you are in love. Deep down you are not in love with anybody; you cannot be. Those pretensions are good for a few days, then the color disappears, then reality asserts itself
The first step is: accept yourself as you are; drop all shoulds. Don’t carry any ought on your heart! You are not to be somebody else; you are not expected to do something which doesn’t belong to you. You are just to be yourself. Relax and just be yourself. Be respectful to your individuality and have the courage to sign your own signature. Don’t go on copying others signatures.
You are not expected to become a Jesus or a Buddha or a Ramakrishna; you are simply expected to become yourself. It was good that Ramakrishna never tried to become somebody else, so he became Ramakrishna. It was good that Jesus never tried to become like Abraham or Moses, so he became Jesus. It is good that Buddha never tried to become a Patanjali or Krishna; that’s why he became a Buddha.
When you are not trying to become anybody else, then you simply relax; then a grace arises. Then you are full of grandeur, splendor, harmony...because then there is no conflict! nowhere to go, nothing to fight for; nothing to force, enforce upon yourself violently. You become innocent.
In that innocence you will feel compassion and love for yourself. You will feel so happy with yourself that even if the divine comes and knocks at your door and says, “Would you like to become somebody else?” you will say, “Have you gone mad?! I am perfect! Thank you, but never try anything like that — I am perfect as I am.”
The moment you can say to existence, “I am perfect as I am, I am happy as I am, “this is what in the East we call shraddha — trust; then you have accepted yourself and in accepting yourself you have accepted your creator. Denying yourself you deny your creator.
You are not expected to become a Jesus or a Buddha or a Ramakrishna; you are simply expected to become yourself. It was good that Ramakrishna never tried to become somebody else, so he became Ramakrishna. It was good that Jesus never tried to become like Abraham or Moses, so he became Jesus. It is good that Buddha never tried to become a Patanjali or Krishna; that’s why he became a Buddha.
When you are not trying to become anybody else, then you simply relax; then a grace arises. Then you are full of grandeur, splendor, harmony...because then there is no conflict! nowhere to go, nothing to fight for; nothing to force, enforce upon yourself violently. You become innocent.
In that innocence you will feel compassion and love for yourself. You will feel so happy with yourself that even if the divine comes and knocks at your door and says, “Would you like to become somebody else?” you will say, “Have you gone mad?! I am perfect! Thank you, but never try anything like that — I am perfect as I am.”
The moment you can say to existence, “I am perfect as I am, I am happy as I am, “this is what in the East we call shraddha — trust; then you have accepted yourself and in accepting yourself you have accepted your creator. Denying yourself you deny your creator.
There are only two ways. One is: rejecting, you can remain the same; condemning. you can remain the same;
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