That's
good, mm? that's good. The one who feels phoney is not phoney, and the
part that feels untrue is not untrue. So find more and more shelter in
that part, nourish that part.
When you want something to grow, nourish it, be attentive to it, care about it. When you want something not to grow, just keep your back towards it - and it dies of its own accord. Just like a plant that is neglected not watered, it withers away and dies by itself.
So don't be worried about the phoney part. Just look at the part that says not to be phoney, and nourish that part. Rejoice in it, bring it more and more to the light - and watch. Whenever you see something that is phoney, just put it aside. For example, you were just going to smile, then suddenly
you realise that it was phoney. Stop, even in the middle of the smile; relax your lips, and ask the person to excuse you. Tell them it was a phoney smile, and you are sorry. If a real smile comes then it is okay; if it doesn't then that is also okay. What can you do? - if it comes it comes; if it doesn't come it doesn't. One cannot force it.
The whole phoniness arises in life because we have been taught to do things which cannot be done.
You understand? This is the whole mechanism of phoniness. You were a child and your mother said, 'Love me, I am your mother.' How can a child love? If love arises, it arises; if not, not - what can the child do? The child feels helpless. How to love this mother? She is a mother, and a mother has to be loved; it is a role to be fulfilled, a duty to be carried. What can the child do? He can pretend, at the most he can pretend - and by and by he learns the trick of pretensions. Then he smiles when he looks at the mother. She is a mother, one has to smile. By and by he completely forgets what to be natural is. The whole society expects you to do this and that - respect this man because he is your teacher, respect that man because he is your boss.
I'm not saying to just get out of the social formalities. I am saying be watchful, and if you have to be false, be it consciously. Knowing that this is your boss and you have to smile, smile consciously, knowing well that it is phoney. Let the boss be deceived; you should not be deceived by your smile - that's the point. If you smile unconsciously, the boss may not be deceived, because it is difficult to deceive bosses - but you may be deceived. You may think how respectful you were. You will pat yourself on the back and think you were perfectly good, such a good boy - but there you are missing.
So if sometimes you think it is necessary - because it may be necessary: life is complex and you are not alone; there are many things that you have to do, because the whole society exists on phoniness - then be phoney consciously. But in your relationships where you can be true, don't allow phoniness. there is no need to be phoney, because that is not a social relationship. But there too it enters, and then you don't have any world where you can be true - not even in love. Even there you have to watch and see and do things.
So if it is possible in your love relationship, in your friendships, be true. I am not saying to hurt people. I am simply saying don't deceive yourself. If you see that being true will hurt somebody, then don't be true. Because your truth is yours - you need not hurt anybody. If a phoney smile can become a lubricant, let it be so. But when you are in an authentic relationship then be true. And even if that is not possible, then at least when you are sitting alone in your room, don't be phoney.
I know people who are phoney there too; they sit in their drawing rooms as if somebody else is present, and they behave in a correct manner. Even in their bathrooms many people are afraid to be true. The mannerism has gone so deep that you cannot put it aside. Mannerisms should be like clothing: you undress, so unmanner also; become uncivil, become wild again. At least for a few moments when you are alone be true.
Then by and by the boundaries will go on becoming wider and wider and wider - and a day comes when a person is simply true.
When you want something to grow, nourish it, be attentive to it, care about it. When you want something not to grow, just keep your back towards it - and it dies of its own accord. Just like a plant that is neglected not watered, it withers away and dies by itself.
So don't be worried about the phoney part. Just look at the part that says not to be phoney, and nourish that part. Rejoice in it, bring it more and more to the light - and watch. Whenever you see something that is phoney, just put it aside. For example, you were just going to smile, then suddenly
you realise that it was phoney. Stop, even in the middle of the smile; relax your lips, and ask the person to excuse you. Tell them it was a phoney smile, and you are sorry. If a real smile comes then it is okay; if it doesn't then that is also okay. What can you do? - if it comes it comes; if it doesn't come it doesn't. One cannot force it.
The whole phoniness arises in life because we have been taught to do things which cannot be done.
You understand? This is the whole mechanism of phoniness. You were a child and your mother said, 'Love me, I am your mother.' How can a child love? If love arises, it arises; if not, not - what can the child do? The child feels helpless. How to love this mother? She is a mother, and a mother has to be loved; it is a role to be fulfilled, a duty to be carried. What can the child do? He can pretend, at the most he can pretend - and by and by he learns the trick of pretensions. Then he smiles when he looks at the mother. She is a mother, one has to smile. By and by he completely forgets what to be natural is. The whole society expects you to do this and that - respect this man because he is your teacher, respect that man because he is your boss.
I'm not saying to just get out of the social formalities. I am saying be watchful, and if you have to be false, be it consciously. Knowing that this is your boss and you have to smile, smile consciously, knowing well that it is phoney. Let the boss be deceived; you should not be deceived by your smile - that's the point. If you smile unconsciously, the boss may not be deceived, because it is difficult to deceive bosses - but you may be deceived. You may think how respectful you were. You will pat yourself on the back and think you were perfectly good, such a good boy - but there you are missing.
So if sometimes you think it is necessary - because it may be necessary: life is complex and you are not alone; there are many things that you have to do, because the whole society exists on phoniness - then be phoney consciously. But in your relationships where you can be true, don't allow phoniness. there is no need to be phoney, because that is not a social relationship. But there too it enters, and then you don't have any world where you can be true - not even in love. Even there you have to watch and see and do things.
So if it is possible in your love relationship, in your friendships, be true. I am not saying to hurt people. I am simply saying don't deceive yourself. If you see that being true will hurt somebody, then don't be true. Because your truth is yours - you need not hurt anybody. If a phoney smile can become a lubricant, let it be so. But when you are in an authentic relationship then be true. And even if that is not possible, then at least when you are sitting alone in your room, don't be phoney.
I know people who are phoney there too; they sit in their drawing rooms as if somebody else is present, and they behave in a correct manner. Even in their bathrooms many people are afraid to be true. The mannerism has gone so deep that you cannot put it aside. Mannerisms should be like clothing: you undress, so unmanner also; become uncivil, become wild again. At least for a few moments when you are alone be true.
Then by and by the boundaries will go on becoming wider and wider and wider - and a day comes when a person is simply true.
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